Monday, February 28, 2005

On Manhole Covers - (iv)

The reason I started on bloody manhole covers is thus:

A couple of weeks ago I left the office and was on my way to the tube station, a short walk I must have made a thousand times.

My attention was caught by, yes, a manhole cover, or more accurately, an inspection cover. Quite a big one: embossed on it were the words "London County Council Tramways". I thought, knowing that the last tram ran in the early Fifties, that this curiosity will interest one or two of those London Transport geek people, so I'd take a photo and stick it on my moblog. So, I packed my camera and the next afternoon had it at the ready.

No cover.

Just

pavement.

Perhaps I'd mis-remembered: maybe I'd crossed the road and it had been on the other side.

So I crossed the road the next day. Ridiculous: this is all new development that wasn't even there in 1952.

The next day (Thursday) finds me walking up the road, head bent. All the usuals are there: BT, Fire Hydrant etc etc. Not mine. I repeated the exercise on the Friday. And all last week.

I am now reluctantly forced to believe one of 3 things:

1) It was there and someone moved it at night, repairing the pavement invisibly. This was probably done by Wandsworth Borough Council for the sole purpose of making me look like an idiot;

2) I am going mad: I hallucinated a London County Council Tramways inspection cover;

3) I am going mad: I dream about inspection and manhole covers and then believe my dreams to be real. In many ways this is the most disturbing scenario. I would not like to be thought of as the kind of person who dreams about manhole covers when I could be dreaming of more manly things, such as former Blue Peter presenters or important sporting institutions.

What do you think, readers?

Jonathan Swift tells us that "It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he
was never reasoned into". Ca Va.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Jonathan Swift writes exclusively for you.

"I had that Celestine Babayaro in the back of the cab once."

(c) Jonathan Swift, 1715.

Monday, February 21, 2005

On Manhole Covers: (II)

Apologies for the interruption: Uma Thurman at the door, trying to sell me life cover. Anyway...

Was it not SWIFT who told us that a good manhole cover is like an honest maidservant? It appears not! It...

Friday, February 18, 2005

On Manhole Covers.

No of course dear I don't actually collect them - I fear that would be against the spirit of good citizenship, I...

Thursday, February 17, 2005

For Vicus

FAO Mr Scurra: I have just switched to Haloscan commenting and have thereby lost, irritatingly enough, all my old comments. BE IT KNOWN however that prior to that own-goal I read & inwardly DIGESTED your recent admonishment. You should know that my forthcoming topic is set in the engrossing milieu of AIRTIGHT INSPECTION COVERS rather than simply manholes, and thus should be a real hit magnet, and one in the eye for JEREMIAHS.
As for Mr Swift, well, it's houyhnhms for courses, innit?

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Nothing. A howling void of nothing since the 21st of January.

I do have an entertaining piece on manhole covers "in the pipeline". Tonight I'm going to see The Magic Roundabout which should suit my (and your) level of comprehension better than the other little piece I have in preparation, on the merits of Jonathan Swift's poetry.