Seems unlikely.

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Two Non-Bimbos

They went to see "Treats" at the Garrick.

Blows Down

Today's picture comes from Blows Down (map), a remote windy outcrop near Luton. It was at this historic spot, in 1783, that Sir Hector Blow (1765-1811) became the first man to discover chalk, "a crumbly, white, apparently porous, rock-like material, never before known". At first this rare mineral was considered a scientifically interesting but essentially useless substance - attempts to use it as a building material were messy and dangerous failures - but when its potential was recognised, Sir Hector found he was sitting, not at all literally, on a gold mine. Sir Hector was however a philanthropic, unworldly and modest man who, when the Royal Society voted to name this revolutionary new material "Blowite", declined the honour and instead had it named "chalk" after the hon. Titus Chalk, his fag at Challney Boys School, of whom nothing else is known. All the proceeds from the first chalk excavations were idiotically given to the families of the undeserving poor, and Sir Hector "came upon the parish" in 1806, dying ignominiously and forgotten 5 years later.

In 1965 a local historical society had a memorial erected to Sir Hector Blow by the footpath where Skimpot Road meets what is now Hatters Way. There is no sign of it now - the silly sods made it of "Blowite".

From the top of Blows Down you have a panoramic view of Dunstable, an ugly parasitic counterweight to Luton, and of Houghton Regis, a former royal forest where Edward The Confessor rode to hounds with Mrs Fitzherbert, and whose herring tannery, once the largest in South Bedfordshire, is still commemorated each Michaelmas when the townsfolk perform the folkloric scaly-leathery dance in front of the Dog & Duck.

(For a period in the 1960s the smell of the tannery combined with very tangible dust-storms from the famed Cement Works made life intolerable for some, and there were many takers for the £10 assisted passages scheme, and many former Houghton Regis residents now live as far afield as Totternhoe or even Hockliffe).

England is a land rich in history and legend. If you've learned something today that you didn't know yesterday, your and my day have been worthwhile. God bless you all.

You call that snow?

Listen: you might hear my Canadian correspondent chuckling.

In Bhalil, Nr Fes, Morocco

Mr Mohammed Chraibi prepares mint tea.

Gone Away

We're massupping off to Fez tomorrow for a week. There's no bloody chance I'm going to photoblog from there at those rates, so here's a picture of Battersea Dogs' Home to be going on with.

While I'm away, why not be a "virtual Boggins"? I like these things at the moment, and in the spirit of proper blogs, I will share them with you: just add the love of a beautiful woman and you can be just like me.

• Here is an internet radio station that rocks wonderfully.
• Here is the book I just finished reading.
• Here's the kind of music that's on my MP3 at the moment. It doesn't sound a bit like the radio station above, which may or may not tell you something.

Laters.

Wunty Winderlamp

Some winter fell last night. This particular fall fell on Popes Meadow, Luton.

Apologies to early adopters who had to view the picture the other way up.

Please make me stop

2030 train

What

What?

This is the first time I've posted from my mobile and I'm filled with almost girlish glee. Just talk among yourselves.

Welsh - Ukranian discussions

Now what am I going to do?

I had a cast. Russ simply was Lembit, while Bella had worked very hard at the annoying Welsh accent thing.
Now I have to tell them that a light-hearted comedy has become neo-tragedy, and I'm getting Dench in.

Now back to your normal programming.

Incidentally, today is the 143rd anniversary of lino. You can probably download it nowadays, but you'd need broadband for a large kitchen.

The office Christmas drinkies

"Ooh thanks , oh gosh, I don't know... you're very kind. I think I'll have a sherry please if that's all right David. Oh, sweet: no, medium. Thank you".
"Ooh are you sure? Thank you. Have they got Tia Maria? Oh good, a Tia Maria then please. Oh no, better not, after one of those I'm anybody's!! Errrrm, can I have a dry white wine instead please? Sorry! Oh I don't know. Do they have South African? I had South African at my friend's house. Really nice it was, I was surprised. No, changed my mind, I'll have a Bailey's. After all it is Christmas!!"
"Pint of Fosters please Dave. Oh. Kronenbourg then. Cheers."
"Pint of Fosters please. Oh. Dunno then; Carslberg?
"Am I too late? Are you sure? You're very kind. I'll have a G & T please then, though I shouldn't. A large one? Well, I shouldn't. I'll be asleep this afternoon!! All right then, if you're sure. Thanks! Yes please, just a slice."
"She's gone to the ladies. I think she normally has cider. Better wait. "

"Perhaps you should serve this gentleman while we're waiting."

Ta Dave.

Proof Of Global Warming

Apologies to the lovely people the dog and I disturbed on Wednesday afternoon. It takes a brave couple to "make-out" on Stopsley Common* on a muddy, damp December afternoon, and I'm afraid we did nothing to heighten the mood.

By her dancy barky actions Lily was merely unagressively awarding points for artistry and entertainment value in the best Louis Walsh style.
(We're at Grid Ref. TL0924, if you care).

It says here that the Japanese spider crab (Macrocheira kaempferi), is the world's largest arthropod. And why not?

Defective bogey at Earlsfield*

One does so try to avoid tedious Commuters' Tales. I would not normally mention the 2.5 hours it took to get from Kings Cross Thameslink to Lovely Luton last night but for this: it seems routine that some group of people somewhere around the capital is having their journey fucked up for them nearly every day.
I had plenty of time yesterday while stationary "in the Harpenden area" to wonder if London travellers are uniquely unfortunate or if other large conurbations worldwide suffer these endemic "points failures" and "signal faults", such that the evening paper has the word "chaos" poised in large type ready to go next to "tube" or "travel" for every edition.
Indeed, what would our own dear Evening Standard DO if "chaos" was removed from the language?
*"Morning Joan: 11 minutes late - badger hit a junction box at New Malden."

Smokers' Corner

Catching in my delicate nostrils the raucous pungency of Someone Else's Smoke today made me appreciate how far we've come. Boggins snuffed his last fag* over 6 years ago. At that time smoking was a minority pursuit, frowned upon by the worthy and healthy, but we smokers were still a big minority. The smoke-filled room was still available, and plenty of us congregated outside or on the stairs to feed our dirty habit. Now, from what I can see, it's nearly extinct. You see someone smoking, it's an oddity. The forthcoming ban is hardly going to be an issue for most, and yet a decade ago it was a loony California "pipedream" (hurhur).
Once upon a time I had an ashtray by my bed. Unbelievable.

* note to Americans: I have never knowingly murdered a homosexual.

More TV trivia

You saw Mrs Massup* and the mutt on Dog Borstal. The camera crew "forgot" to put in batteries at the crucial time, and Boggins' dull interjections were never saved. Your loss. Write to the DG.

*no chaffinch she.

Old Lily post

Family Entertainment

After a pause or hiatus of about 18 months we've got digital/ satellite TV again. It makes me so happy that we can finally return to some proper TV programming, such as Sky's "Cirque de Celebrité" .
Celebrities? Fat bloke who used to be in Grange Hill. A couple of women who look like former porn actresses. The others? Giggling leftovers barely recognised beyond their own bathroom mirrors.
We're looking through the keyhole of the door to hell. Hear the shrieking and screaming of the damned. See the posturing and gurning of the self-deluded and desperate.
Turn back to Fairly Odd Parents.
Ms Wax, who used to have a career, appears by courtesy of Hieronymus Bosch and/or Max Clifford.

tumblyweed in the howly howly void

Song lyric Corner

I DEFY even Betty to I.D. this wonderful lyric on my mp3 this week:

You ask me what I'm doing
I just picked out my nose
My lady's in the kitchen
Not wearing any clothes

go on, prove me wrong!

While I was away

You know, working on a new reality game thing for C4 with Jerrers and Joan Bakewell called "Knob Idol". Looking to go into pre-prod in May. You wanna be in it, mail me, man.

Also working on a musical based on the lives of Lembit Opik MP and the lovely Sian. Note to self: email Sir Cameron and Sir Andrew first thing Monday, or else!

It's NOT OK, OK?

The Guardian tells me today "It's OK to like Hall & Oates again. Really."

Up in the morning look in the mirror
I'm worn as her tooth brush hanging in the stand
my face ain't looking any younger
now I can see love's taken her toll on me

AND she's GONE OOH AAH OO-OO-OO-AH
(why am I shouting?)



No it isn't OK. Never has been. Never will be. Really.