How to walk from Luton To Hull

Having identified a small itch to travel from lovely Luton to the undoubtedly equally lovely environs of Kingston Upon Hull, I put the question to the maps department pertaining to Mr & Mrs Google. Having receive a rational response to my request for driving instructions, just for fun I asked for a walking route. 

It wasn't altogether what I expected:

Walking directions are in beta.

Use caution – This route may be missing sidewalks or pedestrian paths.

Walking directions to University of Hull

455 mi – about 1 day 22 hours

Suggested routes

Kingston upon Hull - Rotterdam

455 mi 1 day 22 hours

This route includes a ferry.- more info »

This route includes a border crossing.- more info »

Luton Lxx xxx UK

1. Head north on xxxxxx xxxxxx toward Stockingstone Rd/A5228

2. Turn right at Stockingstone Rd/A5228 0.7 mi

3. At the roundabout, take the 3rd exit onto Ramridge Rd 299 ft

4. Turn right to stay on Ramridge Rd 443 ft

5. Turn left at Turners Rd S 0.1 mi

6. Continue onto Saywell Rd 0.4 mi

7. Turn left at Crawley Green Rd

Go through 1 roundabout 0.7 mi

8. At Wigmore Ln, take the 1st exit onto Wigmore Ln

Go through 2 roundabouts 0.3 mi

9. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto Eaton Green Rd

Go through 1 roundabout 1.1 mi

10. Continue onto Darley Rd 0.8 mi

11. Continue onto Windmill Rd 194 ft

12. Sharp left at Brownings Ln 0.5 mi

13. Turn right at Lilley Bottom Rd 1.1 mi

14. Continue onto Lilly Bottom Rd 0.5 mi

15. Continue onto Lilley Bottom Rd 0.8 mi

16. Continue straight onto High St/B651 0.4 mi

17. Continue onto Codicote Rd 0.2 mi

18. Turn left at Norton St Ln 1.0 mi

19. Turn right toward Three Houses Ln 1.1 mi

20. Turn left at Three Houses Ln 0.4 mi

21. Turn right at B656 0.1 mi

22. Turn left 240 ft

23. Turn left 0.6 mi

24. Sharp right toward Park Ln 0.4 mi

25. Turn left at Park Ln 1.2 mi

26. Continue onto Station Approach 289 ft

27. Turn left at Station Rd 0.1 mi

28. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto Watton Rd 1.0 mi

29. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Hertford Rd 0.3 mi

30. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto A602 305 ft

31. Slight left to stay on A602 1.6 mi

32. Slight left to stay on A602

Go through 1 roundabout 0.9 mi

33. Turn left at Mill Ln 0.7 mi

34. Turn right at Whempstead Ln 1.5 mi

35. Turn left at Munden Rd 0.6 mi

36. Turn right toward Beggarman's Ln 1.7 mi

37. Continue straight onto Beggarman's Ln 1.1 mi

38. Turn left toward Standon Hill/A120 0.3 mi

39. At the roundabout, take the 3rd exit onto Standon Hill/A120

Continue to follow A120 5.8 mi

40. Slight right at Hadham Rd/A120

Continue to follow Hadham Rd

Go through 1 roundabout 1.2 mi

41. Turn right at North St/B1004 0.1 mi

42. Turn left at Bridge St 0.1 mi

43. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto The Causeway/A1250 492 ft

44. Slight left to stay on The Causeway/A1250

Continue to follow A1250

Go through 2 roundabouts 1.6 mi

45. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto A120 0.4 mi

46. Turn left at Dunmow Rd/B1256

Continue to follow B1256 5.2 mi

47. Slight left at Stortford Rd/B1256

Continue to follow B1256

Go through 1 roundabout 0.2 mi

48. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Stortford Rd/B1256

Continue to follow B1256

Go through 2 roundabouts 1.4 mi

49. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Stortford Rd 0.5 mi

50. Continue onto High St/B184 0.3 mi

51. Turn left at Braintree Rd 0.5 mi

52. Turn left at Braintree Rd/B1256

Continue to follow B1256 4.9 mi

53. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Dunmow Rd 0.5 mi

54. Continue onto The St 0.7 mi

55. Continue onto Rayne Rd 0.9 mi

56. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto Rayne Rd/B1256

Continue to follow B1256 1.0 mi

57. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Coggeshall Rd/B1256

Continue to follow Coggeshall Rd

Go through 3 roundabouts 2.3 mi

58. Slight right at Coggeshall Rd/A120 1.0 mi

59. Slight right to stay on Coggeshall Rd/A120

Continue to follow A120 1.4 mi

60. Turn right at West St 0.9 mi

61. Continue straight onto Market End/B1024

Continue to follow B1024 443 ft

62. Continue onto East St 0.5 mi

63. Continue onto Colchester Rd 0.3 mi

64. Turn right to stay on Colchester Rd 0.1 mi

65. Turn right at Colchester Rd/A120

Continue to follow A120

Go through 1 roundabout 3.5 mi

66. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto London Rd/B1408

Go through 1 roundabout 2.1 mi

67. Slight right to stay on London Rd/B1408 259 ft

68. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto London Rd/A1124

Continue to follow A1124 2.5 mi

69. Slight left at Southway/A1124

Continue to follow Southway

Go through 1 roundabout 0.6 mi

70. At St Botolph's Circus, take the 4th exit onto Magdalen St/A134

Continue to follow A134 0.9 mi

71. Continue onto Hythe Hill 495 ft

72. Turn left at Hythe Quay 210 ft

73. Turn right at Hythe Station Rd 0.2 mi

74. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Greenstead Rd 0.2 mi

75. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto St Andrew's Ave/A133

Continue to follow A133

Go through 2 roundabouts 2.9 mi

76. Turn left at Bromley Rd 0.7 mi

77. Continue onto Harwich Rd 2.1 mi

78. Turn right to stay on Harwich Rd 0.8 mi

79. Turn left at Little Bromley Rd 0.1 mi

80. Turn right at A120 0.8 mi

81. Slight right to stay on A120

Go through 1 roundabout 6.0 mi

82. Slight left at Tinker St/A120

Continue to follow A120

Go through 2 roundabouts 2.6 mi

83. Turn right at Foster Rd/A120 66 ft

84. Turn right at W Dock Rd/A120

Continue to follow A120 0.2 mi

85. Turn left to stay on A120 0.1 mi

86. Take the Harwich - Hook of Holland ferry to Rotterdam

Entering Netherlands 124 mi

87. Continue straight onto Harwichweg 0.1 mi

88. Turn left at Stationsweg/N211

Continue to follow N211 0.1 mi

89. Turn right at Harwichweg 62 ft

90. Turn right at Prins Hendrikstraat 0.6 mi

91. Continue onto Prins Hendrikweg 0.5 mi

92. Turn right at Slachthuisweg 197 ft

93. Slight left to stay on Slachthuisweg 0.1 mi

94. Turn left to stay on Slachthuisweg 0.1 mi

95. Turn right at Deflandsedijk 1.4 mi

96. Turn right at Poortershaven 2.2 mi

97. Continue onto Schenkeldijk 0.4 mi

98. Turn right to stay on Schenkeldijk 0.6 mi

99. Turn right at Maasdijk 335 ft

100. Turn right at Coldenhovelaan 0.1 mi

101. Slight left at Maasdijk 0.4 mi

102. Slight left to stay on Maasdijk 269 ft

103. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Westlandseweg

Go through 3 roundabouts 1.2 mi

104. Turn right at Noorddijk 0.4 mi

105. Turn right at Stadhuiskade 318 ft

106. Turn right at Haven 0.2 mi

107. Turn left at Havenplein 92 ft

108. Turn right at Deltaweg 0.2 mi

109. Slight right to stay on Deltaweg 0.1 mi

110. Turn right to stay on Deltaweg 33 ft

111. Turn left to stay on Deltaweg 108 ft

112. Take the Maassluis - Rozenburg ferry to Rozenburg 0.4 mi

113. Continue straight onto Nieuwe Weg 371 ft

114. Slight left to stay on Nieuwe Weg 0.3 mi

115. Turn left at Boulevard Rozenburg 0.4 mi

116. Slight right to stay on Boulevard Rozenburg 1.0 mi

117. Slight left to stay on Boulevard Rozenburg 0.2 mi

118. Continue onto Botlekweg 489 ft

119. Slight right to stay on Botlekweg 187 ft

120. Turn right to stay on Botlekweg 1.2 mi

121. Turn right at Theemsweg 1.3 mi

122. Turn left to stay on Theemsweg 36 ft

123. Turn right to stay on Theemsweg 0.2 mi

124. Continue onto Rozenburgsesluis 161 ft

125. Continue onto Neckarweg 0.8 mi

126. Turn left to stay on Neckarweg 79 ft

127. Slight right to stay on Neckarweg 0.3 mi

128. Continue onto Moezelweg 1.3 mi

129. Slight left to stay on Moezelweg 0.1 mi

130. Continue straight to stay on Moezelweg 3.0 mi

131. Slight right to stay on Moezelweg 0.2 mi

132. Continue onto Elbeweg 0.2 mi

133. Slight left to stay on Elbeweg 302 ft

134. Turn right at Sureweg 0.1 mi

135. Turn right 0.6 mi

136. Take the Rotterdam - Hull ferry to Hull

Entering United Kingdom (England) 224 mi

137. Continue straight 0.4 mi

138. Turn left toward Northern Gateway 0.3 mi

139. At the roundabout, take the 2nd exit onto Northern Gateway 0.1 mi

140. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Hedon Rd/A1033 heading to M62/Leeds/Humber Bridge/A63 0.4 mi

141. Turn right to stay on Hedon Rd/A1033 39 ft

142. Turn left to stay on Hedon Rd/A1033

Go through 1 roundabout 0.8 mi

143. At the roundabout, take the 1st exit onto Mount Pleasant/A1033 0.7 mi

144. Turn left at Mount Pleasant 469 ft

145. Turn right at Chapman St

Go through 1 roundabout 0.3 mi

146. Turn right at Wincolmlee 0.6 mi

147. Turn left at Air St 0.1 mi

148. Air St turns slightly right and becomes Sculcoates Ln 0.4 mi

149. Turn right to stay on Sculcoates Ln 0.1 mi

150. Turn right at Beverley Rd/A1079 0.5 mi

151. Turn left at Cottingham Rd/B1233 0.6 mi

152. Turn right 236 ft

University of Hull

We'll need a cup of tea after that I should think.

Nothing here

...lately.

Some music links for you to ignore & "What I Did On My Holidays" soon.

Dangerous Minds | The making of 10cc’s I’m Not In Love

Dangerous Minds | The making of 10cc’s I’m Not In Love

If you ever liked this song you might find this interesting.

Amusing Ourselves to Death

Amusing Ourselves to Death: "

"

Fart-operated TV remote

Fart-operated TV remote: "On Instructables, Schmidtn posted how-to instructions for his Fart Operated Random Channel TV Remote."

Fart Operated Random Channel TV Remote






via BoingBoing. A summer project for someone?

Fact & Truth

"Fact is that which enough people believe. Truth is measured by how fervently they believe it."

Charles P Pierce

?

If Britain decides to ban the burqa I might just start wearing one | David Mitchell

There's too much harping on about respect and banning. What about the huge gulf of toleration in the middle?
Tattoos and burqas are all the rage. One in five of us now has a tattoo and there are enough burqas around to invoke talk of banning them. Some people, presumably, sport both – but they're difficult to identify without causing an embarrassing scuffle. Especially if the person under the burqa turns out to be a woman.

Continue Reading....

Lloyd Miller

Here's some stuff I probably should have played at yesterday's party. Thrilling, wonderful music.


Read full review of A Lifetime In Oriental Jazz - LLOYD MILLER on Boomkat.com ©

Pug sings Batman theme

Via Reddit.

The Daily Mash - COUNCILLOR SUSPENDED FOR BRANDING EARTH 'ROUND'

The Daily Mash - COUNCILLOR SUSPENDED FOR BRANDING EARTH 'ROUND'


We Love You, Daily Mash.

War

War: ""


10/10. xkcd on top form.

Lake/island fun: largest island in a lake on an island in a lake on an island.

Apologies if you've seen it before but this came back to me last night. Why? I dunno. Anyway, I wanted to pin it down here.

There's also this.

Bloody stupid IE6. When is my company going to upgrade?

YouTube - cows & cows & cows

YouTube - cows & cows & cows

I am saved the trouble of providing words to this by its very uncategorisableness.

Free Music Archive: Karen Cooper Complex - Shinjuku Birdwalk (1981)

Free Music Archive: Karen Cooper Complex - Shinjuku Birdwalk (1981)

Entirely wonderful.

I write like....who?

J-Walk sends me to the I Write Like site which, once you've pasted into it a bit of your own writing, returns a result telling you whose style it most resembles. So I took a sample from one of my past entries here and this was the result:
 

I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

'What fun' thought I, so I tried with another, and got this.

I write like
David Foster Wallace

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

When I've found out who he is, I'll decide whether to be flattered or not.

Update: over at BoingBoing a lot of people are apparently being told they write like HP Lovecraft & David Foster Wallace. And Dan Brown.

Order - rodentia, suborder - castorimorpha, family - castoridae

Via Reddit

Going to ground easily.

Now that the World Cup has ended and the best footballing team has rightly won, a thought from someone who loves the game. (Me). And it's this:


FIFA or some body now HAS to grasp the nettle and act to sort out the diving and injury simulation that is endemic in the game. In all the comments I've read on the web over the last few weeks this has been the number one complaint about the game from football newbies, and rightly so.

Is it too much to ask that tapes be reviewed after the match and cases of blatant diving and other cynical attempts to get opponents booked and sent off and/ or to gain an advantage be highlighted and exposed? It wouldn't change the result of that match but the cumulative effect would surely be salutary and force associations, managements and players to begin put a stop to it. It's dirty and is ruining the game.

In the world of real football fouls, Luis Suarez of Uruguay got the most flak in the tournament for his goalline handball, but his offence was FULLY PUNISHED: he was sent off, incurring a suspension, and the oppponents awarded a penalty. It isn't Suarez' fault that Gyan missed it. It's the great unpunished that concern me.

Players throughout the tournament, in match after match, from virtually every team bar North Korea (I most certainly CANNOT exclude England), disgraced the game with their ridiculous antics in throwing themselves to the ground and rolling around in simulated agony in the hope of gaining an advantage or of getting an opponent booked or sent off. Let's reserve especial vemon for players of real ability (I'm looking at YOU now Arjen Robben) who'll dive to the ground squealing like a child and then pursue the referee shrieking abuse if, just this once, he's not stupid enough to be fooled.

From my readings in forums such as REDDIT, for every "soccer" fan from the USA that the game has gained or confirmed in the last month, it has lost, or failed to persuade, just as many through an honest disgust at this behaviour. And frankly I can't find it in my heart to blame them, because it is cancerous to the game.

Afrirampo - Afrirampo

So you discover this great new band, only to find they've been around for years, and actually broke up in June. Fuggit.

Never mind, there's some cool free MP3 stuff here and here. After that we have to pay.

Carl Sagan: A Universe Not Made For Us - Carl Sagan - YouTube - callumCGLP

Carl Sagan: A Universe Not Made For Us - Carl Sagan - YouTube - callumCGLP: "
Thanks to Atheist Media Blog for the link

Original link






"Excerpts from Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space. More specifically, from the chapter titled A Universe Not Made For Us. I edited together the audio from the audio-book, and added the video from Stephen Hawking's Into the Universe and Brian Cox's Wonders of the Solar System. The music is Jack's Theme from the Lost soundtrack."

(Of course "I" didn't do anything except repost it here. It's almost a manifesto, which is why it is here. The end is a bit mush tho'.)

Kitten vs. Pug

Kitten vs. Pug: "


(via DoobyBrain)

Thanks to http://www.cynical-c.com/.


"

The Straight Dope: In Steve Miller's

• The Straight Dope: In Steve Miller's "The Joker," what is "the pompatus of love"?

  tags: lyrics, curious

Posted from Diigo. The rest of my favorite links are here.

Poetry

Here are 2 poems I just found on my H drive. I wrote these at a John Hegley gig at his instigation. He was unimpressed: the first received the one-word review "Bitter". The other he ignored entirely. From this modest start an industry is born.

JS BACH never visited Luton
Neither, coincidentally, did FRANZ SCHUBERT
I think that's reflected
In their music.

From Round Green to High Town
Is a Bit of a Walk.
One of the many people who never attempted it
was George Frederick Handel.

A mixtape

I came across this new product from mixwit and couldn't help myself. You just logon and search for music to make up a "tape" to share.

I dedicate this one to John Robinson, Pat Burns, Steve Bagnall and all the others in my captive audience many years ago when I used to inflict my mixtapes on them during night shifts in a computer room now long defunct. In the spirit of those times there are at least three songs on here you'll never want to hear again.

There may be a fault in that half of track 2 seems to be missing. In fact, since I posted this I'm finding it is working very poorly here. How about you?

I'm not really "back", but I'll be looking up some old blogging friends in the next few days.

Seems unlikely.

RandomHouse.ca | Author Spotlight: Tobias SmollettRandom House will alert you to new works by Tobias Smollett! ... Widely regarded as the world's first modern novel, Don Quixote chronicles the famous ...

Two Non-Bimbos

They went to see "Treats" at the Garrick.

Blows Down

Today's picture comes from Blows Down (map), a remote windy outcrop near Luton. It was at this historic spot, in 1783, that Sir Hector Blow (1765-1811) became the first man to discover chalk, "a crumbly, white, apparently porous, rock-like material, never before known". At first this rare mineral was considered a scientifically interesting but essentially useless substance - attempts to use it as a building material were messy and dangerous failures - but when its potential was recognised, Sir Hector found he was sitting, not at all literally, on a gold mine. Sir Hector was however a philanthropic, unworldly and modest man who, when the Royal Society voted to name this revolutionary new material "Blowite", declined the honour and instead had it named "chalk" after the hon. Titus Chalk, his fag at Challney Boys School, of whom nothing else is known. All the proceeds from the first chalk excavations were idiotically given to the families of the undeserving poor, and Sir Hector "came upon the parish" in 1806, dying ignominiously and forgotten 5 years later.

In 1965 a local historical society had a memorial erected to Sir Hector Blow by the footpath where Skimpot Road meets what is now Hatters Way. There is no sign of it now - the silly sods made it of "Blowite".

From the top of Blows Down you have a panoramic view of Dunstable, an ugly parasitic counterweight to Luton, and of Houghton Regis, a former royal forest where Edward The Confessor rode to hounds with Mrs Fitzherbert, and whose herring tannery, once the largest in South Bedfordshire, is still commemorated each Michaelmas when the townsfolk perform the folkloric scaly-leathery dance in front of the Dog & Duck.

(For a period in the 1960s the smell of the tannery combined with very tangible dust-storms from the famed Cement Works made life intolerable for some, and there were many takers for the £10 assisted passages scheme, and many former Houghton Regis residents now live as far afield as Totternhoe or even Hockliffe).

England is a land rich in history and legend. If you've learned something today that you didn't know yesterday, your and my day have been worthwhile. God bless you all.

You call that snow?

Listen: you might hear my Canadian correspondent chuckling.

In Bhalil, Nr Fes, Morocco

Mr Mohammed Chraibi prepares mint tea.

Gone Away

We're massupping off to Fez tomorrow for a week. There's no bloody chance I'm going to photoblog from there at those rates, so here's a picture of Battersea Dogs' Home to be going on with.

While I'm away, why not be a "virtual Boggins"? I like these things at the moment, and in the spirit of proper blogs, I will share them with you: just add the love of a beautiful woman and you can be just like me.

• Here is an internet radio station that rocks wonderfully.
• Here is the book I just finished reading.
• Here's the kind of music that's on my MP3 at the moment. It doesn't sound a bit like the radio station above, which may or may not tell you something.

Laters.

Wunty Winderlamp

Some winter fell last night. This particular fall fell on Popes Meadow, Luton.

Apologies to early adopters who had to view the picture the other way up.

Please make me stop

2030 train

What

What?

This is the first time I've posted from my mobile and I'm filled with almost girlish glee. Just talk among yourselves.

Welsh - Ukranian discussions

Now what am I going to do?

I had a cast. Russ simply was Lembit, while Bella had worked very hard at the annoying Welsh accent thing.
Now I have to tell them that a light-hearted comedy has become neo-tragedy, and I'm getting Dench in.

Now back to your normal programming.

Incidentally, today is the 143rd anniversary of lino. You can probably download it nowadays, but you'd need broadband for a large kitchen.

The office Christmas drinkies

"Ooh thanks , oh gosh, I don't know... you're very kind. I think I'll have a sherry please if that's all right David. Oh, sweet: no, medium. Thank you".
"Ooh are you sure? Thank you. Have they got Tia Maria? Oh good, a Tia Maria then please. Oh no, better not, after one of those I'm anybody's!! Errrrm, can I have a dry white wine instead please? Sorry! Oh I don't know. Do they have South African? I had South African at my friend's house. Really nice it was, I was surprised. No, changed my mind, I'll have a Bailey's. After all it is Christmas!!"
"Pint of Fosters please Dave. Oh. Kronenbourg then. Cheers."
"Pint of Fosters please. Oh. Dunno then; Carslberg?
"Am I too late? Are you sure? You're very kind. I'll have a G & T please then, though I shouldn't. A large one? Well, I shouldn't. I'll be asleep this afternoon!! All right then, if you're sure. Thanks! Yes please, just a slice."
"She's gone to the ladies. I think she normally has cider. Better wait. "

"Perhaps you should serve this gentleman while we're waiting."

Ta Dave.

Proof Of Global Warming

Apologies to the lovely people the dog and I disturbed on Wednesday afternoon. It takes a brave couple to "make-out" on Stopsley Common* on a muddy, damp December afternoon, and I'm afraid we did nothing to heighten the mood.

By her dancy barky actions Lily was merely unagressively awarding points for artistry and entertainment value in the best Louis Walsh style.
(We're at Grid Ref. TL0924, if you care).

It says here that the Japanese spider crab (Macrocheira kaempferi), is the world's largest arthropod. And why not?

Defective bogey at Earlsfield*

One does so try to avoid tedious Commuters' Tales. I would not normally mention the 2.5 hours it took to get from Kings Cross Thameslink to Lovely Luton last night but for this: it seems routine that some group of people somewhere around the capital is having their journey fucked up for them nearly every day.
I had plenty of time yesterday while stationary "in the Harpenden area" to wonder if London travellers are uniquely unfortunate or if other large conurbations worldwide suffer these endemic "points failures" and "signal faults", such that the evening paper has the word "chaos" poised in large type ready to go next to "tube" or "travel" for every edition.
Indeed, what would our own dear Evening Standard DO if "chaos" was removed from the language?
*"Morning Joan: 11 minutes late - badger hit a junction box at New Malden."

Smokers' Corner

Catching in my delicate nostrils the raucous pungency of Someone Else's Smoke today made me appreciate how far we've come. Boggins snuffed his last fag* over 6 years ago. At that time smoking was a minority pursuit, frowned upon by the worthy and healthy, but we smokers were still a big minority. The smoke-filled room was still available, and plenty of us congregated outside or on the stairs to feed our dirty habit. Now, from what I can see, it's nearly extinct. You see someone smoking, it's an oddity. The forthcoming ban is hardly going to be an issue for most, and yet a decade ago it was a loony California "pipedream" (hurhur).
Once upon a time I had an ashtray by my bed. Unbelievable.

* note to Americans: I have never knowingly murdered a homosexual.

More TV trivia

You saw Mrs Massup* and the mutt on Dog Borstal. The camera crew "forgot" to put in batteries at the crucial time, and Boggins' dull interjections were never saved. Your loss. Write to the DG.

*no chaffinch she.

Old Lily post

Family Entertainment

After a pause or hiatus of about 18 months we've got digital/ satellite TV again. It makes me so happy that we can finally return to some proper TV programming, such as Sky's "Cirque de Celebrité" .
Celebrities? Fat bloke who used to be in Grange Hill. A couple of women who look like former porn actresses. The others? Giggling leftovers barely recognised beyond their own bathroom mirrors.
We're looking through the keyhole of the door to hell. Hear the shrieking and screaming of the damned. See the posturing and gurning of the self-deluded and desperate.
Turn back to Fairly Odd Parents.
Ms Wax, who used to have a career, appears by courtesy of Hieronymus Bosch and/or Max Clifford.

tumblyweed in the howly howly void

Song lyric Corner

I DEFY even Betty to I.D. this wonderful lyric on my mp3 this week:

You ask me what I'm doing
I just picked out my nose
My lady's in the kitchen
Not wearing any clothes

go on, prove me wrong!

While I was away

You know, working on a new reality game thing for C4 with Jerrers and Joan Bakewell called "Knob Idol". Looking to go into pre-prod in May. You wanna be in it, mail me, man.

Also working on a musical based on the lives of Lembit Opik MP and the lovely Sian. Note to self: email Sir Cameron and Sir Andrew first thing Monday, or else!

It's NOT OK, OK?

The Guardian tells me today "It's OK to like Hall & Oates again. Really."

Up in the morning look in the mirror
I'm worn as her tooth brush hanging in the stand
my face ain't looking any younger
now I can see love's taken her toll on me

AND she's GONE OOH AAH OO-OO-OO-AH
(why am I shouting?)



No it isn't OK. Never has been. Never will be. Really.

Obfuscation

In my profile I describe myself as an IT Obfuscator. No-one has ever taken issue with that wacky self-description. Probably rightly.

I wrote this in an email the other day, without irony, humour or any other saving grace:

"This will have been related to print distribution s/w resource issues this end."

Had I chosen to write in English I'd have said "the PC that takes care of your printing stopped working for some reason until I did something about it". More words certainly, but with some hope of being understood. Obviously the last thing I wanted was to be understood...

I'm not proud of wot I done.


D-I-D

1. Big-Eyed Beans From Venus - Capt. Beefheart. (Tho' veering to "Abba Zabba")
   
2. Leader Of The Pack - Shangri-Las
   
3. Valley Of Rain - Giant Sand
   
4. Mack The Knife - Ella Fitzgerald
   

Tree

Taken on a pleasant walk up by Warden Hill with the mutt yesterday.

Desert Island

(see previous post) This week I'm thinking:

Big-Eyed Beans From Venus - Captain Beefheart
Leader Of The Pack - Shangri-Las
New Rose - The Damned
Blue Monday - New Order

Prize* Quiz - the connection between no. 2 & no 3?



*yes of course, I'm just going to go out and buy you something just for Googling for the answer. Nah.

Say No to Dreary Slavs & Tedious Old Records

Seems we're going to Italy after all, so all those turgid Czech writers can keep their reputations intact.

We're having a Desert Island Discs Party. We're only allowing 4 songs each or it'll go on all night. If it was tonight, this is what I'd have:

Something by early Santana - Oye Como Va?
10:15 Saturday Night - Cure
Big-Eyed Beans From Venus - Captain Beefheart
Leader Of The Pack - Shangri-Las

If I keep doing this it'll just prove to myself what a twisted personality I have, 'cos I bet none of these will be in my final picks. None of them was on my list last time we did this.

Czech this out.

Boggins, in massy company, will be in your area next August - provided your area is North-Eastern Bohemia. In a hintellectual hendeavour to ingratiate himself with the locals he has identified some authors with whose works he plans to become familiar.

• Josef Skvorecky
  
• Bohumil Hrabal
  
• Ivan Klima
  
• Karel Capek
  

... will do for starters. Mr Hrabal, it is said, was a Prague "defenestree" in 1997:

According to some sources, he was trying to feed the pigeons, according to others he commited suicide.

Plenty there to get me going. Any suggestions or comments gladly received, as ever, apart from the usual one.

Dám si jedno pivo prosím.

Space Is Dark. It Is Cold.

Boggins is at a funny age. This is the trite but only possible reason that he finds himself listening to old Hawkwind records, and re-reading Michael Moorcock potboilers like "The Warlord Of The Air" and thoroughly enjoying both.

Here's a lovely lyric, Hawkfans:

Lives of great men all remind us we may make our lives sublime
And departing leave behind us footprints in the sands of time

so far, so Longfellow. We continue:

Of hewn stones the sacred circle where the wizened sages sat
Let us try to remember all the times where they were at.

- pure Dave Brock.

So your thoughts they were expecting
assault and battery on the human anatomy
Assault and battery on the human anatomy, man.

Ah, those ear-splitting nights at the long-gone Queensway Hall, Dunstable. The acoustics were immense. Pardon?

I am indebted to Betty for getting me going down this particular memory-lane again.
Lyrics purloined from here. Hope they don't mind.

Next week: Trumpton, probably.

Not Dead Yet

... just haven't got any words in my head. I'll be back, but not for a while. Happy Christmas !!!

Great Books on-line

Where do the Google Book-Scan scheme and Yahoo's similar-sounding idea leave Project Gutenburg, one of my original "10 reasons to get on the web" (the others were probably either salacious or plain stupid)?
For years, Project Gutenburg has provided, free, out-of-copyright classic material, including many good things not provided by the mighty Penguin Classics. The great thing about PG is that it provides all its texts in .txt format, a simple, if limited, plain ascii-text format that's been around for ever, and as far as one can see will always be readable whether you're using the simplest text editor or the flashiest WP, no matter what the operating system. No need for special software, continuous upgrades to readers or to imaging products, just download and read. I really hope Project Gutenburg doesn't get buried under all the Flash generated by the others.

boohoo

The unruly people at VillagePhotos disabled my (free) account, and the very attractive photo in my Blogger profile disappeared. I cock my snoot at them. The very attractive photo is now hosted by the lovely people at PhotoBucket, with whom I anticipate a long and frabjous free-account relationship. Perhaps I should start by uploading an even-more attractive photo.

Today is a sad day as I bow to the inevitable and logoff my HATTRICK account for the last time. I put Gundolf Wimberwepper up for sale, fired my longest-serving player and will let the rest of the "players" play out their time without me. It's been fun and I recommend Hattrick to anyone who quite likes that kind of thing, but I just don't have the TIME.

Anyone for winky-kinkies?

Helpful

B & Q own-brand Lemon Ice (Silk).

Three things

Here are three things I want to see, all utterly different, all available to me, all proof that the ice is still thick enough, for now:

* The Persians at the British Museum.

* Henri Rousseau at Tate Britain.

* "Howl's Moving Castle", a new film by Hayao Miyazaki who made "Spirited Away", one of my All-Time Favourite Films.

Thin Ice

We're all skaters on the pond-ice that is civilisation. For most of us in the West it feels solid and good beneath the feet.
When did you last feel the ice cracking? Was it during a power-cut? Was it while you were in a queue on a motorway, unable to move? On a train or waiting for one that didn't come? In the airport or on a 'plane? In a crowd of people, stuck, powerless? These things are trivial, but through them you can sometimes feel or intuit the terror of the cold water beneath, and this piece by Timothy Garton Ash says a lot about the world to come.

Greatest Painting Vote

In fine Boggins loser tradition, my preference, for which I voted at least 01 (one) times, came last. (If you don't know what I'm on about click the heading to this post).
My and everyone's personal favourite - if they are being truly honest with themselves - was scandalously not shortlisted due to snobbery and malice.

Important

Don't ee be forgetten! yarr!.

Traditional Christmas Message...

Last year my this fine gentleman got in a Traditional Christmas Rant on September 12th. This year I intend to prove him a rank amateur.

Any minute now. Plastic Santas. Bunting. "Seasonal" goods. You can feel it.

They're "gearing up".

Have you bought all your presents yet? Better hurry.

This year, mine will all be wrapped in brown paper and hairy string.

Can you still get hairy string? Will someone please hold onto my sanity until January?

Alsace-Lorraine

Alsace-Lorraine.
See what I did there?


[If you are as gripped by the Schleswig-Holstein question as I and all my readers (I'm afraid Lord Luvaduck's Mrs Trellis has been sojourning in Baluchistan and has been replaced by an animatronic doppelganger), drop me a comment and I'll make sure that the whole boiling is placed somewhere where you can reach it. In doing so you agree that you are part and parcel of the whole copyright infringement, and that you started it.]

The Schleswig- Holstein Question: Part 3

The Napoleonic Wars had awakened German national feeling, and the political bonds that had historically existed between Schleswig and Holstein suggested that the two regions should form a single country within a united Germany. A countermovement developed among the Danish population in northern, or North, Schleswig and from 1838 in Denmark itself, where the Liberals insisted that Schleswig had belonged to Denmark for centuries and that the frontier between Germany and Denmark must be the Eider River (which had historically marked the border between Schleswig and Holstein). The Danish nationalists thus aspired to incorporate Schlweswig into Denmark, in the process detaching it from Holstein. German nationalists conversely sought to confirm Schleswig's association with Holstein, in the process detaching the former from Denmark. These differences led in March 1848 to an open uprising by Schleswig-Holstein's German majority in support of independence from Denmark and close association with the German Confederation. The rising was helped by the military intervention of Prussia, whose army drove Denmark's troops from Schleswig-Holstein. This war between Denmark and Prussia lasted three years (1848 -50) and only ended when the Great Powers pressured Prussia into accepting the London Convention of 1852. Under the terms of this peace agreement, the German Confederation returned Schleswig-Holstein to Denmark. In an agreement with Prussia under the London Protocol of 1852, the Danish government in return undertook not to tie Schleswig more closely to Denmark than to its sister duchy of Holstein.

Down Memory Lane, with Clement Ader

nicked from here

He said it flew. Who are we to argue?

The Schleswig Holstein question. Part 2

In the 12th century Schleswig became a dukedom, and it remained a fief associated (but not without dispute) with Denmark until 1864. Holstein developed somewhat more independently; it was ruled for centuries as a duchy by the kings of Denmark, but, at the same time, remained a fief of the Holy Roman Empire. After 1815 Holstein was incorporated in the newly formed German Federation.

During the 1840s, issues relating to the rights of Schleswig's and Holstein's respective German- and Danish-speaking minorities, to the succession rights of the Danish royal family, and to Denmark's interests in the two duchies resulted in the duchies' becoming a bone of contention between Denmark and Prussia and then among Denmark, Prussia, and Austria. At this time the population of Schleswig was Danish in its northern portion, German in the south, and mixed in the northern towns and centre. The population of Holstein was almost entirely German.

The Schleswig- Holstein Question: Part 1

History.
Schleswig lies directly north of Holstein. Both Schleswig and Holstein have at times been subject to the claims and counterclaims of Denmark, Sweden, the Holy Roman Empire, Prussia, and Austria. The region has had Danish minorities in predominantly German areas and German minorities surrounded by Danes, and consequently its history has been one of border and sovereignty disputes and, more recently, accommodations. A prolonged controversy between Denmark and Prussia over Schleswig-Holstein in the 19th century became known as the Schleswig-Holstein question. The historical region of Schleswig-Holstein was long a part of Denmark, and the northernmost portion of Schleswig in fact still belongs to Denmark.

More soon!

Photos

Some photos of our recent trip to Ireland on Flickr - see right panel.
They don't blow up too well: I think I got a bit over-enthusiastic with the resizing tool.

Hallo world!

Om

goingthroughafallowpatchwithnospaceinmyheadforanynewmat
erialIhopeI'llhavetimetoputupsomeIrelandpicturesverysoo
ngoodbyefornow.

Post for Broomhilda

Picture lifted without permission from
this site. You crossed a continent just to supply a crappy joke? Thanks!

Untitled Post

On Kitchens: we shall remain silent. We are (almost) content. We (I) forgot to retrieve the front-door key from Alan: but that is as much my fault as his. It is done. Let us hear no more.

To: Mrs Haveyouhadherdoneyet & Mr Mywifewouldloveyou: greetings from Lily. Despite appearances, she is an extremely dangerous attack-dog who will have your hand off and bury it under the nettles as soon as look at you. This was your last warning.

Demob-happy

An enforced, slightly convoluted trip to work gives me a doubledeckerview of a premises named "Bierodrome". A more enticing name I cannot conceive: The Boggins Temperance League review team will undoubtedly be in your area before long.

We are instituting a Word Of The Week herewith: GALLIMAUFRY. Only because, however, the even-better word in my head yesterday has escaped. For those of you who are Shamed By Their Mistakes In English, I should point out that "gallimaufry" is a tiny Joel-sized penguin found in the vicinity of Ushuaia. Oh yes.

Only me.

Whereas I have nothing to say, here I am not saying it.


I am tempted into a post regarding a certain nameless kitchen company, but I shall hold fire until Friday: in the event of continued dissatisfaction there will be an annotated list of misdemeanours and shortcomings to warn, enlighten & delight you. Elsewise, we are Ryanairing to Ireland on Sunday, for a week; there will be photos. You lucky people.

Who is this man?

Boggins & Bob Dylan

Boggins has always had a bit of a blind spot for Bob Dylan. I've known & loved lots of his songs - who hasn't? - covered by various artists (I bought Hendrix's version of "All Along The Watchtower" with pocket-money), but I've never really "got" Bob. I remember going to cousin Graham's house when a mere youngster, and being told of the Greatness of Bob: on the same day however I was told by the same person of the coming greatness of Nottingham Forest, and never truly believed in either; this pre-dated Forest's Cloughie-led glory days.
Then I was bought a Dylan compilation for my birthday. I've even rescued my dust-encrusted CD Walkman from the dust-encrusted drawer so I can keep listening. It's been a revelation - such lyrics, such tunes - I obviously haven't been paying attention all my life. Even a hoary old number you'd think you had by heart, like "Mr Tambourine Man" has been revealed anew, as if I'd never heard it before.
After 45 years in the trade he just got a new source of income...

Old Now.

It's been and gone.

There will be some photos but I need to think about some privacy issues first.

e.g.

CATH - £100 in untraceable notes by Wednesday means I won't publish that photo of you. £200 gets it off my hard drive for good. :-)

ETHAN - send all your pocket money or you're on the Internet.

I'll remember Saturday. I hope I thanked people properly in person for what they did: I was truly touched by your gifts and your affection.

Thanks are due to:

The Bushey crowd for "Boggins' Thoughtful Spot". Mainly I'll be thinking "what lovely people". Blub.

"Unky Al" for poo-patrol and inflation.

Bradshaw. For the 2nd year running you didn't get me a new bra. Sort it out. Also: Happy Birthday.

Jackie next door for quiche and not minding getting wet.

Barbara. Big Gold Star. So much; too much to list.

Ali for getting all that family tree material organised. Could you tell I was a bit stunned?

Venus Williams & Lindsay Davenport for distracting my guests with a 3-set classic instead of the usual 6-2 6-0. Kept the booze consumption down for a bit.

Sir Bob Geldof for arranging his stupid little knees-up for the same day. Frankly, it was in my OUTLOOK first. Cheers. Just check next time, OK?

G & J for good thoughts.

Everyone else who helped. Or just came. Or who would have come if they could have.

Above all, the Best Girl In The World. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'll probably think of other people the second I upload this. Thanks to all.

Elderly Boggins very excited

on becoming the owner of a Dutch, or scuffle, Hoe.

If you follow the link it explains that a Dutch Hoe is one you push rather than pull.
Feel free to fill up my comments box with a lot of silly hip-hop puns.

There will be a paddling pool and a bouncy castle on Saturday for my half-century bash. No-one who puts silly hip-hop puns in my comments box can come.

Grainne & Jeremy

GJ-8
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

...were married on 18/6 at the 291 Gallery, Hackney.

A groovy time was had by all!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/boggins/sets/482441/

The Middle Ages

Boggins is understandably rather preoccupied with the ageing process, as he makes his final approach to another birthday ending in "0".

The following is a quote from yesterday's paper. See if you can guess who said it.

"I gotta keep in shape now. Age man, it's so stupid. It's like this obsequious weasel that creeps upon you."

Was it:

a) Sylvester Stallone
b) Jerome K Jerome
c) Morrissey

Someone who reads this knows already. Anyone else can probably get it through Google, but should resist.

I am not referring to this, which is the first thing that comes up.

Hiatus

A hiatus for a few days, while I move house.

Meanwhile, enjoy a new Gerald Durrell book, long thought lost. Following the success of "The Bafut Beagles", "My Family And Other Animals" and "A Zoo In My Luggage", follow his further amusing adventures in "A Lamprey in the Undercroft", a collection of drunken maunderings captured on tape during his brief visit in the early 80's to The White Hart Tap in St. Albans.

A very small part of the above story is true.

Undercroft

Undercroft
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

It's under the house... only 2 people know how to get in there - let's keep it that way.

Heather

heather
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

Heather receiving her 5th place award for 200m competition at the weekend.

Heather said it was the hardest thing she had ever done.

That "Oh ****" moment

Tobias Smollett (1721 - 1771) was probably the first person to articulate the words Boggins spoke yesterday when, while retrieving old paint and other noxious substances from his cellar, he realised that he had dripped PAINT, of a colour enigmatically named "Sexy Pink", all over the dining room carpet, across the floor, up the patio doors and along the patio.
The words, for which overhaul your copy of "Ferdinand Count Fathom" , and, when found, make a note of, were as follows:

"Oh Fuck."*


*it may be that your copy of Ferdinand Count Fathom (you do have a copy??) does not contain these words. For this you can probably thank generations of pusillanimous editors.

Ellie with Author

Ellie with Author
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

Lifted from Luton News of 4th May 2005. In true colour: these people really are blue.
By the way, why has Melissa brought a toaster to school? Don't they feed her at home?

Hunstanton Beach

Hunstanton Beach
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

on May-day Bank Holiday Weekend 2005.

And see the moblog too.

Buddhist joke.

Dead funny, I like. I share it with you. Joke here.
Well done.

In my INBOX today

Dear Boggins,

Thanks for your email, a very interesting blog indeed. We will take
your suggestions into account for future additions to the site.
In the meantime, you might like to see what our messageboard community
think:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cgi-perl/h2/h2.cgi?board=food

Best wishes,

BBC Food Team

Referring page: http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/

Comment/query:

Throdkins! . Soon please.

The template: arses.

The other one just didn't work properly: too much javascript I reckon. You could only view it properly in fullscreen, and I had to take so many bits out and move stuff around so much to make it even half-work it was ridiculous. So I'm back with web-standards guru Mr Zeldman's classic template, and here I'll stay. Probably.

Hunstanton pictures to look at soon! Mrs Trellis is champing at the bit, I can tell!

In other news, Owl Pellets is, at the time of writing, the 2nd-ranked search return on Google for "airtight inspection cover". What a let-down that must be.

Jolly Campers

The family and I (the BogMob?) in the car, with tenty things, to Hunstanton for the weekend. If anyone has any old 'fridges, mattresses, car tyres, used motor oil or the like that they'd like thrown away in a SSSI by The Wash, please bring them round to my house by 9:30 tonight.
What?

A General Election Communication

It has come to our notice via Mr Gamon that a General Election is to be fought next week. Readers will have been waiting for the Owl Pellets "take" on this issue before committing themselves to a Party or individual candidate.

We note with disappointment the lack of a certifiable berk or jerk candidate in our constituency. Where are the successors to Commander Boaks or Jules Nim Bard of yesteryear?

We note with dismay too, the non-appearance this time of the Natural Law Party, who have presumably bounced themselves onto a higher plane.

Here are the talented and interesting individuals hoping to represent our constituency : <linky>.

Boggins will be voting, as usual, for all of them.

Throdkins?

Throdkins.

Not worth buying, really

Some extracts from the Restrictive Covenants on my new house:

2. THE Purchaser will not erect on the said piece
of land any public house beerhouse or house for the
sale of intoxicating liquors or club house where intoxicating
liquors are sold or distributed amongst members or permit
any building to be used for any such purpose or for the
carrying on of any trade or business other than that of a
Solicitor Physician or Surgeon.

4. THE Purchaser will not erect or allow to be erected or
placed upon the said piece of land any hut shed caravan
house on wheels or other chattel intended to be used as
a dwelling or sleeping apartment nor any advertisement
hoarding booth show swing or roundabout.

7. THE purchaser shall within three calendar months from
the date hereof erect a good and sufficient close boarded
fence not less than five feet high along the side or sides
of the said piece or parcel of land hereby conveyed as are
marked 'T' on the said plan and if the Purchaser fail to
erect any such fence within three calendar months from the
date hereof then the Vendor shall have the power to erect
every such fence which ought to have been erected by the
Purchaser or cause the same to be erected and shall be
repaid by or may recover from the Purchaser the cost
of erecting the same. No fence shall be painted or tarred
with any black colouring or tar.

8. PROVIDED always that if any erection or thing shall be
erected upon the said piece of land in contravention of
any of the said covenants the Vendor may break fences and
forcibly enter into the said piece of land and remove such
erection or thing and shall not be responsible for the
safe keeping of anything so removed or for the loss thereof
or any damage thereto.

Arsing about

You've caught me arsing about* with the template again. I obviously have too much time on my hands but, strangely, not enough time today to mend all the things that are now wrong with it.
* "Arsing About" is a technical term we use in the IT community: you will embarrass yourself if you use this expression without being fully aware of all its meanings.

Dr Homewyze is IN

Dear Dr Homewyze

Is it true that the more you pick your nose, the more bogey is created? What is the bodily mechanism behind this, and what evolutionary advantages does my large bogey-count give me?

Biologist, Cambs.

Dr Homewyze replies:

Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772 - 1834) adds:

"How like herrings and onions our vices are in the morning after we have committed them."

Families

Sometimes my family makes The Waltons seem like The Osbournes.
Sometimes they make The Osbournes seem like The Waltons. Is public drunkenness such a crime?

Lambeth Bridge

Lambeth Bridge
Originally uploaded by Boggins.

One of a few Thames photos taken yesterday.

On Crisps

Crisps. You, young Hilda, will call them CHIPS, which is your prerogative.
I have asked Mr Google if crisps were taken on board the Marie Celeste, but he does not know.
We have been looking after the children this last week: we have taken them swimming, we have taken them to the Natural History Museum. We have given them crisps. We are a Good Parent. We are glad it has stopped.

Gone away

I will have nothing to say to the world until 11/4, if then. Have a nice week.